3 Ways You May Not Be Trusting Your Partner
Trust in a relationship is allowing yourself to feel vulnerable around your partner. And even though being vulnerable can sometimes mean opening ourselves up to attack, licensed therapist Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry says that "it is necessary [in a relationship] in order to build intimacy with your partner." When you express your trust for your partner, you show them that you believe in their integrity. And in turn, when you are confident that your partner will do right by you, you feel safe around them.
Consequently, when you don’t trust your partner, you will feel anxious and on edge. When your partner senses that distrust, and feels that it is unwarranted, they may be hurt by your lack of faith in their character, driving a wedge between you.
If you feel that distrust is causing tension in your relationship, here are a few behaviors you should watch out for and what you can do to tackle them.
1. Your jealousy gets out of control
Jealousy is a normal part of any relationship. It’s often a sign that you care about your partner and don’t want to lose them. However, if you find yourself feeling jealous over small actions, then you might need to take a step back. For example, it is not healthy to feel jealous when your partner gets attention on social media, or when they speak to a person of their desired sex. Getting overly jealous might make your partner feel that you don’t trust their ability to be faithful to you. Sometimes, jealousy might even be a sign that you aren’t confident in your own character.
If you find that jealousy is an issue in your relationship, try to assess the root cause of your anxiety.
2. You don’t open up
It’s okay to be reticent about deeper thoughts and feelings while you’re still feeling out a relationship. However, if you’ve been with your partner for a while and you still choose not to confide in them, you keep yourself from forming an authentic bond with them. It also shows your partner that you are afraid of how they might react to your vulnerability. Though it may be difficult, opening up will help your partner better understand your needs, making your relationship stronger in the long run.
3. You don’t forgive small mistakes
When you’re angry, it’s often because you feel you’re not being treated the way you deserve. However, if you’re overly afraid of being hurt or rejected, your anger might become overprotective, causing you to pick fights over small mistakes or lash out before any real transgressions. If you find yourself overreacting over perceived bumps in your relationship, try to look deeper into the problem, and reflect on what it is that is really causing the anger.
Overcoming Trust Issues
Many trust issues are rooted in a fear of getting hurt. The source of this fear varies from person to person. Some people may develop trust issues due to past negative experiences with untrustworthy people, such as abusive parents or partners. Other people may develop trust issues due to low self-esteem, fearing that they aren’t loveable enough for fair treatment.
Developing an awareness of the source of fear can help individuals re-establish trust. If you have this awareness then the next step should be to see a professional. Therapists, mental health counselors, and psychologists will all have an educational background in psychology, and will be able to help you identify the root cause of your trust issues. They're well-trained in the psychology of interpersonal relationships and social science research, allowing them to take into account the many aspects of your life that are preventing you from trusting your partner. As a result, they can prescribe effective strategies for coping with these fears. They may also be able to help you find new ways to foster trust in relationships.
The solution to distrust is connection. Knowing our partners better will help build our confidence in them. If you want to understand your partner on a deeper level, you can consider relationship counseling. When you hone your ability to be communicative and empathetic, you can strengthen trust in your relationship.
Written by Reese Jones
Exclusively for Relationship Institute of Palm Beach